Letting go

W A L L S //

It’s not easy to let go of the walls. After you've grown a certain shell to protect yourself, shedding it makes you feel raw and vulnerable and liberated all at the same time.

But for far too long have you hidden yourself that you’ve lost a sense of you who are. You've buried emotions so deep that you've forgotten how to feel; held your tongue for so long your voice is starting to tremble. You don’t know if people are going to accept you when you let yourself be real; if people will pay attention to that gaping wound, listen, and attempt to understand.

But people are never going to be able to accept you fully - why should they, when they can’t even accept themselves? We’ve been conditioned to shun failure and judge imperfections. How is it reasonable to expect that society will accept every part of ourselves?

No, we should accept ourselves first. Our little imperfections, our big flaws. Our unique strengths and myriad gifts we bring to the world. Only when we let ourselves be ourselves do we also stop judging others. And when you stop judging others, you stop feeling judged, too.

Seek love, and seek bravery. Healing comes with being real, because hidden things fester. You are who you are, wondrous and special, and you’ve got so much to gift to the world.

“Let go, let in; something is waiting”

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You are good enough.

C R O W N S // When you feel like you’re losing your entire life in a moment, it’s easy to lose yourself to despair.

Barefaced, you see yourself in a mirror - stripped of all the trappings. Who are you, apart from the things that made you? Can you look at loss in the eye say that it is well?

The questions are key. In that burrowing, you realise how silly you’ve looked all this while, clutching onto robes like they could cover your nakedness. In that emptiness, deep in the eye of rage, you come to realise that it’s okay. It’s okay to be emptied of the gold. You don’t need to prove anything - you are good enough.

When you no longer care much about losing your crowns, you don’t lose yourself to them anymore. Crowns have lost their mastery, and you start to live. 🌤

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Lost and Found

C R O W N S // "All that we've lost; one day will be found"

Losing everything was hard. By my mid-20s, I’d lost my health, a serious relationship, and the ability to do what I love, like work, travel, sing. As the months went by, even the strength to breathe well, walk, and eat escaped me. I lost social contact for long periods of time, and with that, the ability to think and talk normally. 

It was a dark place, but what surprised me was that through it all I’ve gained a tenacious ability to hope. Not the kind that sails into the sky with rainbows, but one crushed in despair a multitude of times and still comes back stronger. I have grasped pain, looked unfazed into its eye, and become clearer about who I am through and despite it.

Life doesn’t end when trouble starts; it ends when hope dies. When there is hope, you edge for the better each time, and hopefully, one day, get to taste a little of that fruit. ‘Crowns’ is a glimpse of that fruit, along with many things that came back in 2016/17 as the divine clock turned its hour. There is still some way to go - but when you’ve lost everything once, a little can taste like heaven. Thankful.

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